Some Good Byes that were not said

I remember the day Kaus passed away. I cried a lot that night. And the next day. And many a times, many a days after that. Did I cry at the unfairness of life? May be. I cried for the life he had not yet lived. For his insatiable zest for life. But I also cried out of guilt. I cried for not ever telling him in how many ways he had touched my life. I never told him that the first time he made me cry was when he rode all the way to Puri early morning ( he used to do that often) and came back with a Bday gift for me. When it was my turn to organise the late night interviews in Placecomm, kaus would still be hanging around to give me company. And when I got exasperated with his high energy at those godforesaken hours and told him to get lost, I never told him that I was secretly touched at how much he cared.

I never had the guts to discuss his illness with him. I wasn’t sure whether I should or should not. I remember the day I told him that Chandu and I were getting married. I remember how he promised to make it to the wedding. By then he was in and out of hospital too many times. I should have told him then how much I loved him and cared for him. But I postponed it yet again. Sure that he would make it to Kochi for the wedding. And I could show him how important he was to us. But God willed otherwise.

Today its Podu who left us. I met him last, one year back. All those promises to meet up remained just that. I had far more “promising” things to chase. Once again its become too late say Hi once more.

Advertisement